"You hate me ... you really hate me ... "

No one ever died from being told "no" ... well, maybe Socrates when he asked, "You got something I can chase this hemlock with?"

When you get that letter, phone call, or e-mail saying that you've been turned down, it should never be a reason for celebration.  If that's the case, you should have your temperature taken and the thermometer placed nowhere near your mouth.  No one enjoys rejection for any reason.  In any creative field, someone not desiring your services seems especially painful.

A writer may spend hours polishing their blog content.  In the case of an article or a poem, it could be days.  And with novels or full-length plays, we could be talking about years of concerted effort.  After investing all that sweat equity, to say nothing of locating a market for your talents and taking the time and trouble to present your work, it hurts just a little (or a lot, depending on how much you wanted the acceptance) to be turned down.

Even in the case of an actor, that person could have read the script, rehearsed a song, or memorized a monologue for the audition.  This doesn't count the years spent learning to put together a role inside one's head, much less the time spent in training the voice, learning to move on stage, or just finding a way to commit the lines and blocking to memory.  In writing, anything that comes from the keyboard reflects the living and processing of a lifetime's worth of stimuli.  It's become almost cliche to liken our stories to our genetic progeny, but still ...

While it still may sting to receive a rejection, I just remind myself of several things.  First of all, and foremost, they are not rejecting me as a creative person or as a human being.  Heck, they don't even know me.  The only contact they have -- or may ever have -- is the creative product I've put before them. 

Since I've been in the position of being able to accept writing or to cast performers, it's never really personal.  The overall work must be of primary importance.  Does this fit the overall design?  Will it/they work well alongside others?  It might be good.  It might be brilliant.  However, it may not be a good fit for the project and there's nothing wrong with that. 

Years ago, I submitted a short play to a production company in the hopes that it would be included in their Christmas-themed night of plays.  Of course, it had Santa Claus in it ... but I wanted to do something that wouldn't be too saccharine or overly sentimental so I added a dollop of dark humor to it.  Naturally, I didn't exactly capture the warmth of the holiday within my work (when was the last time you heard the words "advanced decomposition" in a Christmas play?) so I wasn't surprised when the note came back that it didn't fit the evening's overall theme.  I was told the committee found it quite amusing ... horrifying, but amusing.  But hey, ya gotta try!

Instead of treating a rejection as if it said that you had two months to live, you should find positive uses for it.  Use it to 1) learn, 2) keep the door open for future submissions, and 3) make them wonder if they made the right choice after all.  How can you do that?

I'll cover that next time around. 

So what have been some of your most memorable rejections?  Did any crush you, if only for a little while?  Or did they inspire you to keep trying?  Leave me some comments, okay?